Have you ever tried… when the tears suddenly start running…, without you really knowing why… and then when someone asks, “What’s wrong”… and the only answers you can think of is “I don’t know”, while the tears just continue…!?
That’s the kind of life I have been living for a while now. Crazy rollercoaster ride, and it was not the fun kind! I have tried to fit in the missing puzzle pieces, cause I really need to find out what the fuck is happening! One thing is for sure, I was (… and probably still is) on some kind of hormonal rollercoaster ride, and its pissing me off cause I’m losing control of myself…!
… and I hate it…! …cause I always have my shit together!
I met a man… with whom I had a wonderful adventure. It was short but the craziest, wildest and most romantic adventure ever! I have never tried anything like it! But…, wrong time and wrong place… We met in Copenhagen and he lives on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, 6000 kilometers away and in a time zone that’s 6 hours behind Danish time! What the fuck are the odds for that!? It was wild, crazy, exciting and I have absolutely no regrets! …and who knows…, maybe our path will cross again some day 😊
Got my house priced… people and real estate agents are showing interest in buying / selling it but am I ready to sell…!?
… and If I sell where would I move to…!? Can I get an apartment, buy something and how long does that take…!?
…and what about the missing deck, and all the little to do’s that needs to be done at and around the house…, somebody’s gotta do the job!?
The apartment of my dreams… for a very short moment, I got the opportunity to buy a fabulous apartment in the center of Copenhagen…, just to get the messaged 2 days later they decided to keep it in the family. What the fuck!!!!??? …I had already started packing, putting the house up for sale… or kinda anyway 😊
My son Andreas… whom out of the blue breaks the news, that he now wants to apply for an education as an aircraft mechanic starting in January…! I’m thinking “where the hell did that come from” … I’ve heard him talk about the military, travel guide, police officer, air traffic controller etc., but aircraft mechanic, hell, that was new!
Actually, I really don’t care what he wanna be “when he grows up”, all I want is for him to get an education, starting something, he is passionate about, instead of panic “right here and now” solutions! I’ll support him no matter what choice he makes – he just took me completely off guard… which also left out the ecstatic cheering he might had expected from me…!
…on top of that, he also slapped the shit out of me, with his words “Me and Caroline wants to get an apartment together” Are you sunshine…! …that was a completely knock out! Well, it had to happen eventually, I knew that, but still…, well anyway when I caught my breath again, I went inti the practical mode “Did you calculate, what’s your budget, have you thought about this and that” …but I have had some time to get used to the thought by now, and I will survive 😊
My anxiety and fear for my eyelid surgery… that I have used 10 months to get mentally ready for, was canceled because I got a damn cold sore on my upper lip! … The only God damn thing, that could not happen… but why!!!! Well I got a new surgery date 33 days later, so now I could start over again, preparing for the surgery where I was gonna be awake only “put down” by local anesthesia…!
Loneliness… is hitting me when I’m home alone and can’t pull myself together to get things done…! Its not like I don’t have anything to do – have plenty of projects, bits and pieces, thoughts about “this and that” it’s just as if my brain, arms and legs won’t work together! My brain just wants to play Candy Crush and my arms and legs wants tto do nothing!
Hormones… has in some way taken control over me and my life at certain occasions and knocks me down when the radio plays certain songs, when watching movies about love, happiness, grief or the news showing families running to safe their lives during their well-deserved summer vacation, because of the forests burning down everywhere!! I’m actually impressed by how many tears existing in my “system” Maybe it’s just been too long ago since I’ve cried, and the tear “system” just needs a clean out…!?
New start… Andreas (20 years old) steps up and pulls me back on track with his words “Mom you need a new start”… and before we knew of it, we had a small “to do” list, for me to get started on! Hurray for grown up adult kinda kids…, just as long as they don’t knock you out telling that they are moving out 😊
The panic stop button… Well, I found the #panikstopbutton – really wanted to get of this fucked up rollercoaster ride! …got to thinking that life is just too short to ride fucked up rollercoaster rides! So I’m “outta” here…, picking up the shit that hit the fan…, life goes on, and I’m back on track 😊
Hurray for living the good life!
…and is by the way working om articles about how I’m getting out of this shitty situation…, about how the unperfect is the new black…, how it is to be FREE…, about polite gentlemen and strong women…, my eye surgery…, and I’m thinking about sharing the story of my short but wonderful adventure with… lets call him Mr. B 😊
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